I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it's like heaven, but drunker
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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