you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
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Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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