I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
