I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
