I can text with my tongue
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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