I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
