I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
