DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
