I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
