My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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