you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
