Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
