At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
