I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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