that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
