I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
