so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize