yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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