when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
