I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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