That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
