I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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