the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
