a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
