Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
