just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We have so much sex to catch up on
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
