Yo dont text me then not text me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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