Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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