Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
