I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
