I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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