went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Randomize
