I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
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i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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