Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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