there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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