so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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