I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
