: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
