It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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