my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think your dad took our porno
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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