She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
