ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize