I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
