Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
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when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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