Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize