Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
