....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it's like heaven, but drunker
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
