ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
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Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
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A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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