I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
