i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
