his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
