sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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