how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
