Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
