so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize