Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
