How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
