When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
