You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so let's talk penis.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
